Not Afraid.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, " I never thought of losing, but now that I have--the only thing is to do it well that's my obligation to all the people who believe in me." Right now I feel like I can relate to that. I never thought of losing either. Losing relationships, losing faith, losing stablilty and losing alot of things that I have relyed upon for peace in my life....but I have.

In all honesty, I've probably lost myself in this mountain of change and trials I've been dealing with for this last little while.

Today, i was thinking again of How very alone and afraid I've how very alone and afraid I've been feeling, It was at that moment that I thought of the beautiful scripture in Joshua 1:9,

" Have not I commanded thee, be strong and of a good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord, thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest"

Be not afraid? How could I not be afraid? I am at an all time low. At any moment everything could change, nothing is certain, and I cant control my future. So how exactly can I be "Strong and Couragous"?
I'll tell you how! Because of that beautiful promise, " The Lord, thy God is with thee."

No matter what else changes, one thing that will never change is that the Lord will always love me. He will help me in all things if I just humble myself enough to ask. I don't need to be afraid! He believes in me, and as my obligation to him and all of the other people who beleive in me, I have to lose well! that means not being afraid. That means finding courage and trusting that he will always help me, and trusting that he is always there! He knows me, he knows Im hurting and he WANTS to help me through this. I am greatful to know that and to know of one steady foundation that will never fall.

" Be still my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend, through thorny ways leads to a joyful end"

FIFTEEN!

So Who wants to know a story?!:) yeperoo! Thats what I thought! Ok So the protaginist of this story is a girl named Kylie Pat Smith, she was born on febuary the twentieth of ninteen ninty six and she was never quite sure how to spell her birth month!:) when she was two she lived with grandma and grandpa smith and kaden (he is the antagonist by the way) told her that her toy rocking horse was haunted and she could never sleep until she reached the tender age of four!
   Her favorite princess was Belle because Belle had brown hair like Kylie! And on the first day of Kindergarten she told her teacher that her name was kylie Pat Smith Bug, because thats what her father called her for some strange reason! In first grade, she decided her favorite animal was a cat,  in second grade she faked an eye test to get glassas, in third grade she stalked many boys, in fourth grade she formed a rock band with her siblings, in fifth grade she started a dictionary of made up words, in sixth grade she became a twilight fanatic, in seventh grade she changed her mind and in eigth grade, she found peach-o's on the ground! This brings us to the story as it continues presently, I bet you would like to know that in fifteen beautiful minutes that girl will turn fifteen, and because she sort of obsesses over lists, here are fifteen things she will do while she's fifteen!:):
1. Sleep outside.
2. go in a photo booth with friends.
3. buy a fancy stationary!
4. Have a brother date with Kaden and/or Braden
5. Be-dazzel her jeans
6. Go to EFY!:)
7. learn about JFK ( yeah Quinny thats just for you doll!:)
8. learn to play a hymn on her favorite thing called the piano!:)
9. buy a Justin Beiber CD
10. Wear a totally Neon outift!
11. say positve things about Jimmer.
12. Write a song about hazel eyes.
13. Go scarf shopping ( HA! Now that it's on the list... it has to happen:)
14. Finish the D&C, BOM and New Testiment
15. plan a super awesome sweet sixteen:)
This girl is going to have an amazing year! And shes gonna see where her story goes...the one thing thats for sure is that regardless of what happens she will indeed live happily ever after:)

For Now.

Today I layed in my closet, histarically laughing at what I had just discoverd...I'm sure you've noticed I'm completely and totally a dork! But just in case you havn't,  I did make a list of exactly what my husband would be like...when I was six years old..yep, had a drawing and everything! I was cool huh?:)
      But the reason this was so funny to me wasn't because of how great the list was, or because my beautiful art.  It was because that is so typical Kylie! Having everything planned out before its even close to being here! trying to control the future even though its not up to me.

       For some reason I think I get to plan everyones future and control all of the things that have yet to come. I think I get to know what people are going to feel at certain times and how they will respond to me even though, all that that does is make me have a certain plan in my head, and when reality hits and the plan is not executed the way I had pictured, I get disopointed.

      But the thing is, hevenley father has  made all of the plans for me already. As long as I am righous, everything will go according to his plan!  He doesn't need me to decide what my collage expirience will be like, or what Im doing senior year or how my next audition is going to go, because he has it covered!  Even though it may be hard for me. I need to let go of the desire to control everything and just let him worry about it! I mean really, he's got this! All that he needs from me is to have faith that all the things that happen are always for a reason, and he will never deal me anything that I cant handle! I need to worry about being who I need to be now, and trust that, that will benifit my future!

       So Im done now! I dont need to worry about the things that are distant and out of my control! I just need to worry about  Kylie Pat Smith, the ninth grader at Lehi Jr. High school who ADORES her siblings and has the greatest friends on the planet! The girl who willingly practices piano for four hours a day and has a secret desire to be serenaded with out of my leage. She is all that I can control rite now and I need to worry about her. I dont need to plan for who she'll be, I just need to better who she is now!

evil

I have never expirienced real misery until I began seventh grade...and what do you ask was the awful event that occured then? Well  it is a continual heartache that never ends until you finish college: you know that thing you have to do at school with all the numbers and letters and formulas and such? The teachers call it math Im pretty sure its satin's launguage because  the only thing worse then math is death rite?  Actually nevermind! You dont have to do math in heaven! What the flip? Why do I need to have 200 problems of homework? Why do I need to take three benchmarks in one week? How could it be midterm, the term just started! Oh yeah and Mr. Thayne, just in case they didnt teach you in your acadamy of  devil: plus a negetive is the same thing as minus! The same thing I tell you, my answears are not wrong! and p.s  smart kid who skipped a level of math and gets A's on every flipping assighnment- I hate you! You are mean, mean young man  for making everyone else look bad!
sorry this is just one of my complain-y posts: Dont worry about it!:)

Things you never knew and never wanted to know:

- One day there WILL be an allskousen.com
-my dog does not have dandruff.
-It takes a really cool person to be able to do the stapler trick.
 - Alesha Hatch will not be married until it is voted on by a certain group of girls.
-My eyes are like mint chocolate chip ice cream. Someday some guy is going to tell me that and I will be like 'yes! Mandy and Alesha!'
-They do have butter in a tub but its better in a stick We have butter issues.
Mandy! Where's Mandy? Mandy!
We should walk around with a notepad.
- I dont know how to make a flower
-if  you slump your shoulders everyone will know all the problems of your life.
 - The best kind  of friendships are the kinds where you can be laughing your head off and then three seconds later, be in serious/deep conversation.
- I love spending time with my besties!
- I love when Mandy blogs.
- Maddie, my love I really hope you get better and that we did something that made you a tiny bit happier today.