White as snow.

Last week, I sat around a familiar tree, with a familiar group of people. Because these people are all 16 years of age, the topic often circles back to that of driving. Each time we reach that conversation, I wait for the jab or mocking glare from P skousen. You see, he's seen me make some of the most terrible mistakes a driver can make and he's not very keen to let me forget them. But even, that left-side-of-the-road-can't-find-the-stop-sign incident he witnessed, was absolutely nothing compared to the many mistakes my father has seen me make in a motor vehicle.

The other day, I made such a mistake while backing out. Yet again i had caused damage to his car and I had done everything my very patient dad has repeatedly taught me not to do. When I talked to him about it a few seconds later, I fully expected there to be well deserved anger and frustration in his tone.

Instead, he just told me how to fix the problem, let me know everything was going to be okay, and even, gave me back the keys and let me try again.

My earthly father, was an absolutely beautiful representation of our heavenly father!

We all make mistakes, do things he has specifically taught us not to do, and sometimes, we even repeat mistakes from our pasts.

When we do, our father is not there to condemn us. He's not there to taunt us, or to make us feel inadequate because of our short-comings. just like my dad, he is there to love us, to remind us of the way back, and to help us start over when we fall short of the people we should be.

As someone who has fallen short countless times in my life time, I can testify that repentance is real. It is real because of our elder brother, Jesus Christ. No matter how far we feel we've strayed, how many ways we feel we have sinned, or how hopeless we feel we are, we will never sink below Jesus christ' atonement, or below our eternal father's perfect love for us.

I am so grateful to have this gospel in my life. And so grateful for the forgiveness which is constantly bestowed on me from my earthly family as well as from my heavenly parents!

The church is true guys. Know it. Live it and love it, because he loves you, I promise!

And now, my son, remember.

Sometimes, I sit at home on Saturday nights and watch "the price is right" it's a crazy little show on which people are simply asked to guess how much an item costs. Some people are crazy off in their guesses, people will Value a $400 TV for only $200, a $60000 car at only $2000 or even a $5 loaf of brad at $15!
But you see, technically, all of those people are right! In case you wanted an economics lesson today, I'll have you know that the value Of an item is "whatever someone is willing to pay for it." So i ask you, what, then, is the value of a soul?
That Is the question that every price right contestant should dread! Because there is no number, no amount and no possible way to comprehend the price Christ paid for our souls. He suffered more than any human heart will ever understand, he went like a lamb to the slaughter, he bled, and he cried and he died, to pay the awful price for our sins, and he did it because HE values our souls, more than we will ever know.

In return, he only asks 2 things of us!
1) that we try to live like him.
2) when we fall short, we use the incredible gift of his atonement to come back.

Personally, I think we owe him that and so much more! now is the time to arise, to repent and to become the people he wants us to be! It is the only way to show him that we are grateful for his incredible gift!

I have had an amazing week at EFY, I have grown in grace and wisdom, I have felt God's love for me, and come to LOVE 30 people who a week ago, were complete strangers. I felt a light growing in my heart,that no doubt, is the light of Christ and I have seen my testimony grow in countless ways!

However, none of it matters at all if I don't stick to the goals I set for myself at BYU campus! If I forget what the lord has let me feel, or if I return to old, Nasty habits! So I just wanted to share with you all, that I'm commiting to being a better me, to being the me our redeemer needs me to be. I want to be a better sister,daughter, neighbor and friend! And most of all, I want to never forget to put the lord very first! He deserves that so much!

I'm so grateful for this week! I'm so grateful to be one of so few people in the world who have this light and knowledge. I love the prophet Joseph smith, without him, I would be walking blindly with no knowlege of the truth, And most of all, I love Jesus Christ. He is my brother, my best friend, my advocate with the father,my redeemer, my protector, my EVERYTHING! I always want to remember that, and to live my life like I do!

Thank you so much my heroes in Zion company, for actually being my "heroes" and showing me what it means to remember!! I love you my brothers and sisters:)


PS: prepare to be bombarded with crazy stories and pictures from this crazy, wonderful week, very VERY soon:)

Blank Stares at blank pages.

What's better than a general authority? ....A German general authority obviously! And when the GA in question is president Uchtdorf you can pretty much expect lovely! There's this darling little talk he gave that I am quite nearly obsessed with, the talk is, "happily ever after" I countinually find little flecks of gold that I have never encounterd even after the seventy billionth time of reading it! Today I read yet again the words,

"Your own wonderous story has already begun, your once upon a time is now!!"...

I was thinking about that. About just how much more I have to do and accomplish in this life, and about how many more beautiful and wonderous experiences I will have, and how many great people I will meet. I thought about the parts of my story that have already been written. They weren't all happy chapters but they were nessasary, because with out them, my ending would be different. And I would be a much different character!

Once, during a particularly nasty bit of life, Noah told me, "God has a plan for all of us and this is just a part of it."

Maybe, we all need to have faith, faith that God has written an even better story than we are writing for ourselves. And also faith to live that story out. When we do that, not only do we make our own lives a story worth telling, but we will also help lead others to their happy endings.

Not all angels have wings.

Sometimes my life surprises me. Alot of times, those surprises are for good, but occasionally they are unwanted and unwelcome surprises. is then, in those moments of un -surety and heartache that I find the quiet angels in the background of my life. Sometimes those angels are not angels at all, but just people who emulate the light of God and heaven.

This week, I found many of my friends to be angels, just as they always are. Somehow, they always seem to know EXACTLY what I need. I will forever be thankful for the fact that I can send a text message, in the middle of the night asking for answers to questions and, in return I will receive more love and support than some people ever know. I will forever be thankful for the fact that I receive cookies by the dozens, when my friends hear of anything troubling me at all! And i will forever be thankful for the fact that sometimes we have deep spiritual conversations in the middle of our extremely molly-Mormon parties.

I know God loves me, because if he didn't I wouldn't have all of these people in my life. They are a testimony to me that despite the fact that my problems are minuscule in comparison with a huge percentage of the world, and I'm not starving, or freezing or suffering as so many are. Christ still knows me, still loves me and what matters to me, matters to him.

EFY 2011.

I was going to be really cool and have a fancy blog post about EFY complete with the millions of pictures and video's that I obsessivly took. unfortanately, I realized that, that is a pipe dream, for I am not kaden or Lesha or Maddie or jazzy and i haven't the slightest clue how to upload pictures or how to be a cute blogger!

I cant show you all of the great things that occured this week. However, I will tell you. I will tell you that the time I spent on BYU campass changed my life in permanant and unexplainable ways! I will tell you that the people I met there have truely become brothers and sisters to me, and I will tell you that they will never be forgoten because they are some of the best friends I have ever had, and their testimonies truely made me want to be a better person.

Thank you for all of the wonderful laughs and cries this week Stand forever! I know that we were placed in each others lives for divine reasons. I'm so glad I know you all and that we experienced this amazing week together!

Not Afraid.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, " I never thought of losing, but now that I have--the only thing is to do it well that's my obligation to all the people who believe in me." Right now I feel like I can relate to that. I never thought of losing either. Losing relationships, losing faith, losing stablilty and losing alot of things that I have relyed upon for peace in my life....but I have.

In all honesty, I've probably lost myself in this mountain of change and trials I've been dealing with for this last little while.

Today, i was thinking again of How very alone and afraid I've how very alone and afraid I've been feeling, It was at that moment that I thought of the beautiful scripture in Joshua 1:9,

" Have not I commanded thee, be strong and of a good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord, thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest"

Be not afraid? How could I not be afraid? I am at an all time low. At any moment everything could change, nothing is certain, and I cant control my future. So how exactly can I be "Strong and Couragous"?
I'll tell you how! Because of that beautiful promise, " The Lord, thy God is with thee."

No matter what else changes, one thing that will never change is that the Lord will always love me. He will help me in all things if I just humble myself enough to ask. I don't need to be afraid! He believes in me, and as my obligation to him and all of the other people who beleive in me, I have to lose well! that means not being afraid. That means finding courage and trusting that he will always help me, and trusting that he is always there! He knows me, he knows Im hurting and he WANTS to help me through this. I am greatful to know that and to know of one steady foundation that will never fall.

" Be still my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend, through thorny ways leads to a joyful end"

Silence.

You know, Brother Kidd is an amazing teacher, probably the best. His lessons leave deep impressions on me that I remember and apply to my life always, so today in seminary when he said he wasnt going to be teaching I was very confused! Little did I know that I would be hearing from a different teacher, one who knows me better then myself, one who loves me unconditionally and who knew exactly what I needed to hear!

One of the biggest difficulties I personally have struggled with for as far back as I can remember is forgivness. Recently all of the powers of the advesary had led me to believe that I had truly forgiven everyone who has hurt me, eventually I was even lying to myself.

" I forgive them, but I dont love them" became one of my most common thoughts. Today, however I learned just how wrong that is,and I learned what it means to forgive, forgivness IS love!

That truth can be demastrated ofcourse by Jesus Christ. How many times a day do I offend him? How many tears has he shed on my account and how much pain have I really caused him? And yet, he still loves me.

So how then, can I beleive that I dont owe that same respect to people who have offended me, who I have shed tears on account of and who cause me pain. Just as he suffered for my sins and I can repent, he suffered for their sins and they can repent! He only knows whats in their hearts and why they have made the choices they've made. He will make the final decisions, he will forgive who ever he forgives, but as for me, it is essential that I forgive everyone, regardless of if they're not sorry or if they continue to do the things that I once felt in my little pridful mind, were unforgivable.

Letting go of all of these emotions will be so hard, but I can only imagine how much more grief it causes the lord to see me feel that way and think that way, it has now become MY sin that I in fact, need to repent for. Jesus Christ lives, he suffered every pain so that we could become like him, and today in silence I learned what he meant when he said, "love one another AS I have loved you"

I love seminary, And the beautiful blessing it is in my life!